At this moment I am filled with emotion — with dread, with optimism, with elation, and with confusion. I feel an emptiness that is rare for me, and a sense that I am saying goodbye to all that was. This is not surprising, because I am in my eighties.

At the same time, I feel something new approaching perhaps less constrained by ancient narratives. After all, it is those stories that I told myself about my origins and the rules of the game that defined the contours of my life. Those stories —a construct similar to a bony scaffolding that helped me stand upright—now feel outgrown, a carapace to be discarded.

My life force continues strong, and my faculties are engaged. It just seems that while the rules of life have not changed, and while I continue to love the familiar old forms and the abundance of beauty and love that still surrounds me, I have climbed another rung on the ladder. From that position I gaze down, witnessing the noisy whirlwind of human opinion and passion, and also looking from a new vantage point, which I cannot yet define.

The world will continue with its humans imagining themselves in control, and nature will continue to be the instrument through which the Divine operates, shaping all our destinies, and I–the journeyer –will embody a new, as yet undefined, and perhaps undefinable understanding. I may be able to leave behind the belief that I have been in control of my life, and — instead— grow actually to love the messy contours of my experience— satisfying in some moments, tragically suffering in others— to then embrace a life seasoned with joy, sorrow, as well as incomprehension.

And so, I am reminded that nature abhors a vacuum, and that any emptiness will inevitably be filled, just as seeds blown by the wind will settle on a barren plain.

The Unconscious Speaks

Some weeks ago, I was in a profound sleep, the sleep that is devoid of dream activity. But then, emerging from the blankness, an image presented itself: an empty space on the wall in my dining room. The painting that had been displayed on the wall over the years, the painting that I looked at every day whenever I ate– gone. Instead, a place-holder. A shiny tape outlining the rectangular position on the wall where the painting had been.

The painting was a still-life of 5 apples, resting on a white tablecloth. An ornate dark wood frame set off the simplicity of the image and was a focal point of the room.

In the dream vision, unseen hands had removed the painting. Unseen hands had placed shiny tape rectangle to mark the painting’s former home, presumably to guide those same unseen hands when the time came to replace it. Otherwise, why the carefully placed outline?

In an effort to understand the dream image, I reviewed my relationship to the painting. I had never thought I had much emotional attachment to it, but I soon realized it had come to represent the composure and serenity of my home, something enduring and nourishing. And it had been a loving gift from my husband, who had brought it back from a business trip to Mexico.

I should point out that I have had quite a lot of visions in the course of my life, both waking and in dream states and I have always welcomed them. Sometimes these images have had a large impact on me, and have been instrumental in guiding me. I take them seriously. And now— this one appeared to have a message as well, a purpose, lighting the way to something I have yet to discern.

An Answering Silence

The following day, I was in my studio, and I became aware of Silence. The studio is generally quiet, except for birdsong, but this time I felt the Silence as a Presence. My inclination was to turn on music to drown out the Silence and alleviate any discomfort; but instead I sat with it, waiting. Intuitively, I understood that the still-life would be replaced with an image that was more active. In fact, I would be in the image, but now I would be able to go in and out of it: inside to rest and withdraw and observe, and out to participate.

It has been said in ancient wisdom that nothing happens on this earth that is not, first, announced. This was an announcement. I had absolutely no doubt that there would be a significant change in the pattern of my life and in my activity, and that it might involve a new perspective, a different consciousness.

What that “something” would be, I had no idea. Specifics would reveal themselves later.

The matter rested, and now I wait.

The Transition Unfolds

While I was busy questioning, marveling, and using an intellectual approach to unravel the portent of the dream, I saw the disparate parts of myself— specifically: the introvert, the active go-getter life I merge into one.

Integration.

No more inner and outer.

ALL ONE.

©2026 Shulamit Elson